It’s strange how, when your first born reaches new milestones, it signifies new beginnings as you stumble your way through fresh terrain and navigate through this unchartered territory. But when your last born reaches certain milestones, it signifies the end – the end of and era for you. The last aches of a pregnancy. The last time you will be enveloped in new born cuddles. The last first steps…first tooth…first word. The last time you’ll have your child occupy space in your bed; and it makes you savour every moment that much more. You are my last born Zaydaan. My last glimpse into the abyss of sleepless nights and toddler moods and a million questions. And now that you’re turning 11 and at the height of tweendom, I can wave goodbye to so many more lasts and it makes me a little emotional just thinking about it all.
But birthdays are not about me and my feelings. Today is all about you -My Fortnite crazy (not so) baby boy!
I don’t quite know when exactly it was that you went from being just a whiney, Lego obsessed, ask a million questions kind of kid; to being a full blown (eyes constantly focused on a screen) Tween. In so many ways, I still think of you as my little Zee; but in so many ways, it’s obvious that you’re not. For starters, you’re almost as tall as me! But you’ve also blossomed in so many more ways than just your height. You used to be timid and I worried constantly about the world gobbling you up; but at 11 you’ve grown in leaps and bounds. A lot of times I used to want to dive into the bits of life that you were struggling with, but it’s been even more rewarding seeing you figure things out on your own. Part of me wants you to forever stay my little Zee. And I suppose in many ways you will always be. But the bigger part of me is proud of who you’re becoming. You’re listening more to your own voice and relying less on following the crowd. You’re confident, outspoken, independent, hardworking and you’re starting to realise your own worth. Right now, you’re stuck somewhere between still being a child, and blossoming into a Teen.
I know that even though you’re my baby, you’re no longer little. And even though you’re still slightly littler than me, it’s not going to last for long. I also know that the next few years are going to be massively transformative. But for now, I don’t want to look too far ahead and dwell too much on the unknown. For now, I just want to soak up all the special moments I have to enjoy with you.
I enjoy listening to you interact with your friends when you think we can’t hear you. I love the way you laugh – it literally makes my whole heart burst. I love how you bamboozle me into buying you v-bucks. I love that your hugs and kisses still come quite freely and that even after a whole day of online
playing learning, you still like to end the day off with cuddling in bed. You’re the best blanket on a cold night…my own living bean bag. You’re so affectionate and quite honestly the only one in the whole house who understands the concept of having our feet touch when we’re going to sleep.
I love you with my whole heart, Zee. And it’s an absolute honour to be your mom.
Happy 11th Birthday Zaydaan!
Love you Always & Forever