It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it. To think, the year started off so promisingly. So full of hope and dreams and a strong commitment to accomplishing some major life goals. But as is the general consensus of Life and Time; the one flurries past while the other whittles away – and before you’re know it, you’re stranded in the centre of the whirlwind of life, trying to make sense of it all.
As life continues to be this great unfolding of events – one grand life altering experience proceeded by another and another – the rapid pace at which it flows has made it near impossible to document it all over here. Instead, I’ve tried to focus on being more present through it all; surrendering to the processes of life, and trusting that it is directing me to exactly where I need to be.
So what has life been like lately? Let me do a quick summary.
I thought parenting young kids was pretty darn exhausting – and it is – I mean, we somehow make it through the minefield that is breastfeeding and cracked nipples, surviving on minimal sleep, the terrible twos, potty training and the works; and we expect, when they’re older, for the heavens to open up and suddenly grant us ease – but then we get blessed with some teens! We think that once they get graced with grown up bodies, that it automatically gets coupled with some common sense and your job should become easier; but considering that it’s not only a period of intense physical growth, but intellectual and emotional growth too; I can quite easily say that we’ve hit the hardest part of parenting…a part of the journey just that seems to demand so much more of me. And not in the same overtired, energy draining, million questions a day way like when they were younger…but a demand that is more from an emotional perspective as they navigate their way through massive life altering moments and experiences. It’s more than just general survival that kicks in this stage and it certainly demands a higher degree of emotional presence and a greater level of conscious parenting. We are moulding individuals. We need to help them find their way in a crooked world. We have to teach them how to process their thoughts and feelings, and deal with conflict – constructively. We have to nurture their strengths and talents and fortify their belief in themselves in world where these things are so easily crushed. We have to give them space to grow and figure things out; but sometimes we also have to step in and take charge. We have to let go and let live, while also drawing a line in the sand – reinforcing limits and boundaries. It’s a confusing time…especially when everyone else around you seems to be doing it some other way and more especially because we are sometimes still figuring out how to deal with these things ourselves. My only hope is to give them the proper tools and moral compass to help them navigate through life
Birthdays and Milestones
We’ve had a lot of them! And though we made every effort to be celebrate everyone as their birthdays rolled in; not much effort was put into documenting it over here. Not even a birthday story…and that says a lot about how fast paced life is moving for us this year. While I was M.I.A, My youngest turned 10, my daughter turned 17, I celebrated my 18th wedding anniversary…and I made the giant leap to 40 – yikes!
One thing I’m always proud of is how close we are as a unit. And I don’t only mean the nuclear family I have created with my husband; but also the family unit I was born and raised in. Over the years, as siblings, we’ve managed to be by each others side through pretty much everything – studies, weddings, marriage, pregnancies, parenting, life trials…EVERYTHING. One of us was pregnant almost every year (give and take a few gaps here and there) and having our kids at the same school further sealed the deal that we were all pretty much glued together. But now, one by one, they are matriculating, leaving school and forging their own path and identities. This year I have really missed not seeing everyone’s faces every single day – whether in the school parking lot, or in the car trip to and from school, mass weekend outings or pick up duty for the little squad and new additions. It’s been a massive, transformative year for all of us and we are all trying to juggle the struggle between balancing family life, aging parents, assignment deadlines, and the realities of work, studies (kids and adults alike ‘cos apparently everyone is an academic right now except me) and life in general. I think what I’ve really learnt through all of this, is that we’re still getting through everything together and supporting one another through life’s trials…We’re just doing it a bit differently than we used to.
The Battle of the Bulge
Nothing new to report here. I’m still battling!
We bought a new house and we’re moving! Initially, the idea of such a big change was a little bit daunting; but change and growth stride side by side – the latter unable to perform it’s function without the former. Change is inevitable…and sometimes, bold steps are necessary in order to transform your life. Needless to say, I’m excited for this new chapter and looking forward to the move. Right now though, I’m caught between packing up 18 years worth of memories, discarding all the things that no longer purpose me, whilst simultaneously in the process of renovating, and transforming the house we bought, into the home I’ve always dreamed about.
If there was an on-going theme for 2019 then it is that Life is not just about the passing of time and watching the days rapidly transform into weeks and months until we stand at the edge of another brand new year – once again filled with hopes for a fresh start, dramatic change, peace and calm – and then spending another 365 days having it within arms reach, yet unable to grasp hold of it. It is a collection of experiences – both pleasant and tumultuous – that help shape us and force us into the direction to get us to where we need to be. It is an accumulation of memories, trials and tribulations. It is about embracing every experience and allowing it to help transform us at the core.
It felt so great to finally write again and do a proper catch up!
Thanks for reading…