I am overweight!! There…I’ve said it! This doesn’t always bother me…sometimes I pacify myself with the thoughts that “I’m not so bad”…”I have 3 kids”…”I have so many things to be grateful for”, “There are people who are fatter than me”, “Fat is not the worst thing I can be” etc. And though these statements may be true to some degree; it’s also what’s holding me back.
Lately this declaration has started to bother me a bit more. When I catch glimpses of my reflection, or try on a garment that fits a little too snugly or doesn’t do a good job of concealing my curves, or see a picture of myself (not taken at the appropriate angle)…these moments make me wince and cringe. And even though my self worth is not dependant on my size; I know that my size is a result of my incapability to control my mind.
You see, the mind is a powerful tool and every time I feed it with excuses, I am submitting to failure. I make my present reality “okay” when in actual fact it’s not.
I must’ve been on a thousand diets already in my lifetime. Starting and then failing and then starting again; only to fail once more. An endless cycle of enthusiasm followed by the familiarity of another failed attempt, pacifying myself with half truths to make it seem ok.
I realise that the difference between me and all those who have succeeded where I have failed; is mind set. That those who have succeeded were more focused and committed to their goal. I’ve realised that all this time I thought my body had failed me, when in actual fact it was my own mind. My own thoughts had manifested into my reality…in this instance, my failure.
The last time I picked up my pen, it was to free myself from the prison of my mind, my thoughts. To rid myself of negativity, feelings and emotions. This time I am using my words to take control of my mind. To hone in on my thoughts. To conquer my weaknesses! The minute you realise that the battle of the bulge starts with the mind -willpower, commitment, planning, education, goals- that it’s not merely an aimless journey based on wish and desire. That it takes hard work…that is when you start to make progress.
Like countless times before, I am hoping that ink on paper, fingers and keyboard, the rhythmic movement of pouring out my thoughts will unravel what’s holding me back and help me condition my mind, keep me focused and hopefully conquer this battle once and for all!!
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Thanks for reading!