When I was young, all I really wanted was to be a teen! People in their teens seemed so much more put together than those going through adolescence. They possessed an aura of confidence, appeared to have more freedom and fun, seemed more trendier and stylish than me…and in many ways I aspired to be like that.
When I reached my late teens, I fell in love and all I wanted was to marry the guy I love, sail into the sunset and live happily ever after. I wanted to be an adult without really knowing what it entailed.
When I got married, and the kids started to come, and exhaustion took over, the responsibilities kicked in; I couldn’t wait till they were a little bigger, a little less of a handful; I prayed for the day where I could have a little time to myself, squeeze in some time for gym, maybe colour my hair in peace! And just as I could see myself emerging from the haze…OOOPS!…Baby number 3!…and I had to go through the process again, albeit a little better prepared.
And when the rough times came rolling in, I fought hard not to lose my footing, to get myself to stable ground. To find the rainbow in the midst of the storm.
And now, my baby is six and the older ones are entering their teens. Life has settled somewhat, and what do you know…suddenly I have something I never had a lot of before. Suddenly I have some Time! And it got me thinking…My whole life so far went by with me wanting to be somewhere else, reaching for the next phase, waiting for tomorrow, waiting for better days… The horizon always seemed a little brighter.
Perhaps the longing robbed me slightly of enjoying the present moment. Perhaps it was a glimmer of hope that made the chaotic days more bearable. But I waited and wondered; and now the tomorrow that always seemed so far away has finally come. Strangely enough, I never quite planned my life beyond this point!
So what is next for me? What does tomorrow look like? Middle age? I don’t quite know. But what I do know is that in all my life, I have never been more excited about today and for the first time I am in no rush to reach what’s next. I have never before been so aware of the power of the present moment, or more enthusiastic to embrace the Now I’m in; whatever it may bring!
Life is hectic, but my mind has become more calm. Perhaps, in this next stretch of my journey, I get to start focusing on me, find my centre, my balance…and that’s a helluva exciting prospect if you think about it 🙂
Thanks for reading!