Those frantic moments when getting dressed up for a wedding, or function of some sort….Where nothing seems to fit exactly the way you want it to….Moments that make you feel inadequate, slightly too fat…Where your confidence falls slightly short. ..wishing that 5 kilos could just miraculously fall off your body!!
I admit to being that person at times. …A ball of anxiety that must inevitably face up to the skinny people. ..No way out…
I admit that I feel insecure, disappointed in this body that has let me down…that despite my best attempts, has stayed the same…
I admit to telling so many others that their beauty shines through the slightly extra kilos; and not believing it in myself…
When I search beyond the surface of my anxiety, I remember the best advice my father has ever given to me…when I was young and viewed the world through “Skinny eyes”….when discussing wardrobe malfunctions with my sisters as a teenager.
He said that that day I stepped out looking my best, and that every other person was wearing THEIR best; and that even though it didn’t meet my standard, someone else’s best should never be compared, judged, analysed, criticised.
I realise that my real fear is not in who I am, but rather in how others perceive me…That the next person has no idea of the effort I put into being healthy, the constant struggle to achieve my goals. That all they will see is “Fat Namu”…
Today I accept that despite what others may think of me, on this day I might not look THE best…but I have stepped out and I am looking MY best!!!!
Peace,
NAMU 🙂